Ask the Internet

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Ask the Internet
Number 14
Broadcast Date March 1, 2010
Episode Length 58:48
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests Brett Rounsaville

The entire Internet answers your questions, Amtrekker's big secret, why Brian's daddies don't love him, and more.

Contents

Intro video played is Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Justin is wearing a falconer's glove (for unknown reasons) throughout the entire show, on his left hand. At the beginning of the show he also displays a cardboard cutout of US President Barack Obama. Brian explains the premise of the episode and shows the TinyChat Jury box. It is at this point (05:50 of the episode) where the infamous dolphin puppet appears on the Jury panel. It was subsequently blacked out by TWiT on all recordings of the show. Brian tries but is unsuccessful at first at banning that user, so he has to slide the Jury box over on his screen to not show the offender on air. He remains pretty calm throughout, considering.

Brian reads us the email he received from fan Thomas Kennybrook, with the story about Mr. Happy Pants' infamy in the Dominican Republic due to natives watching episodes of Scam School, and creating the legend of "El Diablo de Mano" (the hand devil). Justin & Brett listen but do not seem nearly as excited as Brian is about this news, which causes a few minutes of hilarious roleplaying. Brian compares it to coming home with an A+, and his dad "Justin Robert Douche" says, "that’s great kid, did you finish mowing the lawn?" In this scenario Justin’s the dad & Brett is the mom. Justin tells Brett not to coddle him, or he'll never learn.

Finally we get into the heart of the show. The first problem comes from Hawklu, who has a rather unusual problem with Brian’s Young Ward, Chad. For the last 5 years, he’s been writing erotica entitled “Chad Johnson: Year One”. Justin asks if it’s M/F, M/M – Hawklu says it’s “the whole range” (I won’t go into details). In Hawklu’s story, Chad Johnson is a 15 year old former government assassin, and he’s trying to fit in in high school & has sex with everyone (of course). Hawklu reveals that the story is linked under the Chad Johnson entry in the BBPedia. The problem is now, when Hawklu trys to picture HIS Chad Johnson, he ends up picturing Brian’s “manservant” and Hawklu doesn’t know how to get the image of OMG_Chad out of his head. Justin’s solution is that Hawklu needs to evolve his story to make HIS Chad Johnson the SAME as OMG Chad, and that he should go on missions with Brian Brushwood, etc. Brian’s solution is that Hawklu’s Chad should change his identity & name so Hawklu doesn’t have to think of OMG Chad. (Brett had technical difficulties & was not present for this portion of the show). The TinyChat Jury sides with Justin on this one.

Out of nowhere, Justin scoops ABC & gives the lineup for the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars (presumably he got it from Delicious?).

Second problem comes from Susan (first time viewer), who has a roommate problem. Said roommate is a complete slob who is “smelly, dirty & inconsiderate”. Susan wants advice on how to get even with her roommate after 3 years of being miserable. Justin says she needs to avoid what he calls “cop-calling offenses”. Brett comes back at this point, and suggests “If we’ve learned anything from this show and the BBLiveShow, and specifically Secrets or BS, we’ve learned that the only reconciliation available to her, is to smother her roommate’s vibrator in hot sauce.” Justin’s suggestion (from the chatroom) is to take a picture of the roommate’s skidmarked underwear & post it everywhere the roommate might go. Andrew furiously scribbles a note offscreen & passes it to Justin, & Brian calls dibs on Andrew’s suggestion, which is to steal the skidmarked underwear & list it on Craigslist, with the roommate’s email as the contact info. Brett then also suggests that she should clean the skidmarked underwear for her, with the roommate’s toothbrush. TinyChat Jury gives Brett the win, barely edging out Brian.

Third problem is from Waffles. He was dating a girl whose dad made her break up with him. It’s been a while and he suddenly got a Facebook message from her last night, asking if he wants to hang out. He doesn’t want to fall for her again because he doesn’t want the drama. Also her family is very rich. The money doesn’t matter to him, but he does like the girl a lot and would like to be friends with her. Justin says it’s impossible to be friends with her, so don't even try. Brian says don’t try it, just walk away. Justin suggests that Waffles should commission Hawklu to write some erotic fiction where the girl is banging her dad (Hawklu confirms in chat that this can be done for a price). Brett says, don’t walk – run. The TinyChat Jury concurs.

Brett officially announces GreatestEmployeeInTheWorld.com. Brian says he was going to do a Digg bomb, but Brett’s site has already crashed, either from NSFW traffic or from his earlier appearance on CBS. Justin announces “You’ve been NSFdubbed, bitch!”.

No sponsor this week.

TheMadgician in the TinyChat Jury (the guy wearing the Burger King mask) calls in on Skype & asks if he can Paypal $10 to Brian to get him to make some torches for him. Brian tells him to make his own damn torches.

Brian mentions the Pi Day Magic trick, and also plugs the live SXSW show.

New Champion! Woo!

  • First use of Tinychat during NSFW. (Was previously used during ADOBONANZA!!!!)
  • Cameo appearance by Andrew Mayne. (possibly Justin & Andrew were broadcasting from Andrew's house? They mention that they are in Rhode Island.)
  • Technical fails: Justin's voice stutters often (ala Max Headroom) throughout the episode, beginning immediately after the dolphin incident occurs. Also, Justin loses video from Brian mid-episode & never gets it back until after the episode ends. Robotrekker makes his first & only appearance of the episode at about 14:00 in. Brett's connection to Brian drops & he misses most (if not all) of the Hawklu portion of the show; he returns in time to drop knowledge on the roommate issue.

Great Quotes

  • Justin, quoting the chat room: "They call him 'Fapper!' 'Fapper!' 'Faster than lightning...'"
  • Justin, showing off his falconer's glove & Obama cutout: "I like to call this portion of the show 'Confusing The Audio Listeners'."
  • Brett, regarding the Obama cutout: "Barack Obama is significantly more floppy-headed than I expected him to be in real life."
  • Justin: "I'm sorry - Andrew Mayne is mooning me right now."
  • Justin, upon the appearance of the dolphin: "Well... people wanted us to get a little more explicit in the video version, so congratulations! Ladies & gentlemen, welcome to NFSW Episode 14: Hitting Rock Bottom."
  • Brett's reaction to the dolphin: "It's funny that you mention JuRY talking about Andrew 'mooning' him, because actually JuRY's code 'moon' actually has something more along the lines to do with fellatio and dolphins. It's the weirdest thing."
  • Brett, regarding the Dominican Republic story: "He did fail to mention that the village he was helping out in was, in fact, Fresno, California."
  • Brian's hurt feelings about Justin & Brett's lack of reaction to his letter: “That was the single most amazing letter I’ve ever received. I could not believe it. It completely made my life. It was completely unreal. And neither of you bastards seem to give a good goddamn. So there’s that."
  • 'Daddy' Justin: "Get me a beer, Brian. I wanna watch my stories."
  • Justin: "Whatever. Blah blah blah. 'I went to Puerto Rico and everybody loves you.' Let’s all release the balloons. Can we call this one NSFW Episode 14: Validation Parade?!"
  • Brian: "It's like we've become this terrible dysfunctional family."
  • Justin, upon winning the first challenge: "Yes! The Falconer wins!"
  • Justin, mocking Brian: "Look at me! I'm the hero of the Dominican Republic! Throw me a parade! Aye aye!"
  • Justin, missing his soundboard: "...I wish I had my 'Boo this man!'."
  • Chatroom: "This is the episode that finally jumped the dolphin."
  • Brett, in closing: "I just want to say that I am so proud to have helped, literally, ONES of people tonight."

Adobeshops

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YouTube

Announcement

  • The song used in the announcement is "Tank" as performed by The Seatbelts, composed by Yoko Kanno, and featured in the anime series Cowboy Bebop.

Episode

Links & Downloads


Preceded by:
"W1NNER GAM3S"
Ask the Internet
Followed by:
"Celebrity Twitter Fight Club"