Gooseblunts

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Gooseblunts
Number 165
Broadcast Date April 18, 2017
Episode Length 1:29:12
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests Bonnie Brushwood

Alex Jones is legitimately Brian's neighbor, and we discuss the impending court case of him keeping custody of his children and how this will affect all of our lives in more ways than you can imagine. Plus, for our 4/20 week episode, we play Real or Fake with Scholastic's R. L. Stine!

Contents

Cold Open

Brian and Justin look at some meats and cheese at a warehouse. You better not bring that goat back again!

Sad Moments and Happy Moments

You know how taxes can sometimes be sad moments that show up at your door, but the happy moments are when you realize you have enough money to pay your taxes. Well, sad moments do some really weird blood shit with happy moments. (Editorial Note from the Show Notes Writer: I honestly don't know what the fuck is happening here.)

Alex Jones is My Neighbor, For Real

So, Bonnie is really concerned about the Alex Jones court case because Brian and him definitely live in the same zip code, they definitely go to the same liquor store, and Brian and Justin have definitely met Alex Jones at a blazer-tag place with his kids playing the Fruit Ninja game. Alex Jones, of course, is the founder of InfoWars.com and is known for his rants and conspiracy theories about Sandy Hook and 9/11, just to name a few. If you're not familiar, Alex Jones is currently trying to win custody of his kids from his wife, Kelly, who divorced him in 2015. Kelly Jones is trying to use the argument that because of Alex Jones' crazy rants, he is unfit to take custody of the kids. This is scary because that means this could have harmful repercussions for Brian because of this precedent. Brian and his wacky statements he's said on the Internet could also be used against him in a court of law. However, BREAKING NEWS, Alex Jones' rants are irrelevant to the court case, so a sigh of relief there.

Carl's Jr. and Hardee's New Apology Ad Campaign

For whatever reason, Brian randomly shifted the conversation real quickly to how Carl's Jr. and Hardee's are apologizing for the last 10 years of their horse shit. (Editorial Note from the Show Notes Writer: Again, I honestly don't know what the fuck is happening here.)

Is Alex Jones Real?

Since Alex Jones' lawyers are trying to make the case that he should not be taken seriously, it raises an interesting question, what is the real motivation behind this court case? Is it really about gaining custody of the kids, or is it to make him admit that he is a fraud? Justin believes it really is for the kids. Bonnie thinks it's for the kids, but it will have a ripple effect. However, here's the next logical question, does Alex Jones really believe what he says? Brian says Alex Jones is fake because Brian is fake himself because he does butt jokes on the Internet for a living, but obviously would never do that in real life. ;) In the same tone, Brian believes Alex is very sensible off the mic, and brings out his inner poet when he's on the mic.

In Other Conservative Commentator News...

Bonnie mixed up two different conservative talk show hosts, where one of them is dealing with some sexual assault allegations. She confused Rush Limbaugh for Bill O'Reilly who's dealing with sexual assault charges from multiple woman and whether he's gonna lose his job at Fox News, as a result. Of course, since Rush Limbaugh was mentioned, Justin had to give us his Rush impression. (Update: It's not looking good for Bill O'Reilly and it appears that he will "not be returning from vacation," if you will.)

Patreon

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POODLE PUNCHER! POODLE PUNCHER! POODLE PUNCHER! POODLE PUNCHER! POODLE PUNCHER! POODLE PUNCHER!

Real or Fake

We are back with another Real or Fake game, this time for our 4/20 week episode, we're using Leafly.com to find some whacky names for types of weed. Justin had to go to the bathroom real quick, but we're joined by Scholastic's very own author, R. L. Stine! Him and Brian will have to figure out whether the kush is Real or Fake.

  • EXAMPLE: Crouching Tiger Hidden Alien
Brian's guess: Real
Bonnie's guess: Real
Answer
Both are correct!
  • Wizard Of Odd
R. L. Stine's guess: Real
Brian's guess: Real
Answer
No one is correct.
  • Poochie Love
Brian's guess: Real
R. L. Stine's guess: Real
Answer
Both are correct!
  • Dog Shit
R. L. Stine's guess: Real
Brian's guess: Real
Answer
Both are correct!
  • Devil Fruit
Brian's guess: Fake
R. L. Stine's guess: Real
Answer
R. L. Stine is correct!
  • Conspiracy Kush
R. L. Stine's guess: Fake
Brian's guess: Real
Answer
Brian is correct!
  • Skunk Driving
Brian's guess: Fake
R. L. Stine's guess: Real
Answer
Brian is correct!
Brian wins the game!

Final Score: Brian: 10,003 | R. L. Stine: 3

Movie Draft Chat

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Great Quotes

  • "Is a glape fake?" - Bonnie
  • "Boom Spaghetti!" - R. L. Stine
  • "I don't know...I'm R.L. Stine, I live alone." - R. L. Stine
  • "Now with 90% less goblins." - Brian
  • "You can't jerk off corpses, asshole!" - Brian
  • "How 'bout you pick up your gun, you dirt fuck!" - Justin

Fun Facts

Characters

YouTube

Preshow & Aftershow

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Links


Preceded by:
"Chrome Extensions and Chill (w/ Wil Harris)"
Gooseblunts
Followed by:
"Caliph8 and the Furious"