Pick Your Poison

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Pick Your Poison
Number 37
Broadcast Date November 11, 2014
Episode Length 1:51:15
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests Brett Rounsaville, Bonnie Brushwood

Brian's home is invaded by a sparrow, they play the world's meanest pub quiz and they put into motion their next crowd-sourced, non-sense ebook.



Brian decided to go live for the preshow an hour before the show was scheduled to start. Then Justin and Brett got to their hotel an hour after the show was supposed to start. Sooooooo… we had a two hour preshow with Brian and Bonnie watching videos.

Cold Open

105.9 The Cat shoutout to Tom.


Mike Fuckabee

Brian's Home: Put A Bird In It

Brian was working on getting ready for the holiday rush for Scam Stuff when he heard his daughters freaking out in the other room. Turns out there was a bird trapped inside their house. The girls were trying to whistle at it to lure it out and Brian was googling how to get a bird out of your house. They had a really tough time getting it out. At one point, they lost it and assumed it was gone. Brian had a debriefing with the family to review how they handled the situation. Spoiler alert: They didn't handle it well. Unfortunately, after the meeting they realized that the bird was still in the house. Then the bird just left.


The Patreon is at $1,978. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Too Many Cooks

So between last episode and this episode, the utterly remarkable Too Many Cooks came and went. The Adult Swim short blew up one night and by the time of recording this episode it had gone into the parody/remake phase and was fading fast. It is an amazing video, so Brian and Justin felt the need to at least acknowledge it.

Justin Is An Asshole

Justin got an email from California Shiners (the people who brought you Ruinum) about a check that Justin has yet to cash. It was for $2.

Fuck You, Amirite?

Brian and Justin describe this game as the world's meanest pub quiz. Just like Jeopardy requires you to answer in the form of a question, this game requires you to answer in the form of an insult.

All of the questions in this game were taken from Brian Ibbott

    • Taylor_Karras - There was no question, he didn't say an insult. -1 points
  • What actor was immortalized in Iving Berlin's "Putting on the Ritz"
    • "Gary Cooper, ya ass"
    • 1 point
  • They met on the set of Interspace which Hollywood couple was married on valentines day 1991 and divorced in 2001?
    • Ryan Bryer - "Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid"
    • No insult - 0 points
  • In the human body, the liver converts cholesterol into what substance that aids the process of digestion of lipids?
    • Paul - "Insulin ya cunt!"
    • YummyWaffels - "Lipoproteins [insult]"
    • Taylor_Karras - "Hey, I'm here for the quiz thing.
    • Bile - Everyone was wrong - 0 points
  • What rapper recorded the song "Yall aint ready yet"?
    • Paul - "Mystikal, like your mystical nuts"
    • 4 Points
  • Of the 16 sports at the 1904 St. Louis Olympics, which sport featured all 6 female olympians?
    • Thomas Jefferson - "Ironing, amirite, ya bitches?"
    • Navjack - "Yo, archery, you alley soup spitting son of a bitch."
    • Correct - indeterminate amout of points
  • The John and Mable DeSoto National Monument and the Harry S Truman Little White House are in what state?
    • Jackie Hern - "Florida, FUCK YOU ALL. Oh that didn't rhyme"
    • 1.5 points
  • This 20th century poet went on to win a nobel prize in literature.
    • Colin - "T.S. Elliot BITCH!"
    • 1 point
  • Taylor Schilling and Jamie Lee Kirchner and Michelle Trachtenberg played nurses on what TV show?
    • Tenky - "Mercy, you silly ninnys!"
    • 1 point
  • This lanky comic out of Minnesota was the original host of The Daily Show.
    • "Hey toddler dick and Charlie Gay, you called me before I could hear the question."
    • Jay - "Hello?"
    • Jackie Hern "I'm gonna kill you both because you both stink and I have an awesome shirt on that should be saved. Craig Killborn"
    • 2 Points!
  • Ludwig Von Beethoven and Sid Vicious were both played by which actor?
    • Ryan - "Gary Oldman, now gooooo jizz some WATER!"
    • 3 points
  • In 1908, the Sunshine biscuit company introduced this cookie whose name combine two gaseous elements.
    • Jose (ProfessorWhat) - "Hey eunuch and neckbeard. Hydrox"
    • 2 points
  • In 2011 this actor played a serial killer in the movie Lucky.
    • Taylor_Karras - "Brian sucks his mother's tit"
    • 5 Points!
    • "You white privileged son of a bitch and owner of the Puerto Rican league. Colin Hanks"
    • 2 points
  • Who will buy and where is love were musical questions in which oscar winning movie musical?
    • Thomas Jefferson - "Leo was right it was Oliver. Fuck you, amirite?"
    • 3 Points

  • Taylor_Karras: 5 points
  • Jackie Hern: 3.5 points
  • Ryan & Thomas Jefferson: 3 points

Friendly Recommendation


Brian told the story of the time he and Brett were pelted with tins of Spam at South By Southwest. And just like our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ (or Thor, pick your poison) came down from the heavens and gave them salvation in the form of Mailroute.

Head on over to Mailroute.net/NightAttack.html for a 15-day free trial.

The Revelation

The past month and a half of shows has been filled with a ton of dumb drama, it's time we got back to work and start another Diamond Club novel-type project. Here's the idea that got Justin and Brian excited: Chicken Soup for Ebola: 12 Inspirational Tales that Prove Anything is Possible. Essentially, it's just a big self-help book full of bullshit inspirational stories. So each story is independent of the rest and supposedly written by some bullshit almost-doctor (shaman, guru, homeopath, Dr. Bird, Owen JJ Stone AKA OhDoctah) with no actual medical advice. Don't feel like you have to stay within the confines of Ebola or health, go crazy; write about money, relationships, anything self-help related. Think of it like a longform Buzzfeed article filled with bogus inspirational tales… so a Buzzfeed article, AMIRITE?!

The goal of this project is to have it hit Number 1 on the iBooks store and have Fox News talk about it on TV.

Here's the link to the Self-Help Book doc


With The Diamond Club: A Novel, the guys were totally unprepared for the avalanche of money that came their way from the iBooks store. This time around they've pledged to give all the money to a charity of Chatrealm's choice.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the Diamond Club Subreddit and submit your thing. Just be sure to include "[diamondtime]" in the submission title.

Night Attack 3: Too Old to Talk

Brian and Justin have hired Neshcom to edit the upcoming Night Attack album, and he's put together a graph of the tracks that Brian showed off a bit.

The guys also showed off some of Chatrealm's album art submissions. See the submissions in the doc

Great Quotes

  • "Bird! Do you need to use my iPad to look up your home?" - Justin
  • "The bit of "let's just bring Jay on" has worked about as many times as Charlie Brown kicking the football." - Justin (59:57)
  • "I need a link to Fuck Boys, Get Money." - Brian (aftershow)
  • "I love warts on buttholes." - Brian (aftershow) (11:02)

Fun Facts

  • This is possibly the "on-air" origin of Brian always assuming that Justin is live from Ohio
  • Jay Brushwood was on the phone with Brian for much of the first part of the show without Brian knowing it


Preshow & Aftershow

Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to Patreon.com/NightAttack and pledge ANY amount!


Preceded by:
"Alley Soup"
Pick Your Poison
Followed by: