One Million Broken Promises

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A Million Hits Guaranteed, Guaranteed
Number 45
Broadcast Date January 6, 2015
Episode Length 1:52:54
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests Bonnie Brushwood, Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Brian gets 1 million subscribers on YouTube, Neil DeGrasse Tyson stops by to play a game and then Brian and Justin take a look back at some of their broken promises.



Before the show started, Brian and Justin tried to do a music video breakdown of "Turn Your Back on Me" by Kajagoogoo, but Justin's internet kept going out and ruined the bit.

Cold Open

Bri Bri and Jurbs convince kids to cut off their fingers

Tooth Aids

The show started out with a discussion about going to the dentist and how Brian has amazing dental hygiene.

Scam School is About to Cross 1,000,000 YouTube Subscribers

It looks like, sometime in the middle of the show, the Scam School YouTube channel will be the 997th channel ever to pass 1 million subscribers. It is quite an achievement that is a decade in the making. Brian and Justin talked about the history of Scam School and how it is what brought them together for the first time. All the while, Brian continually refreshed the YouTube analytics page and watched the number of subscribers increase.

Will it happen during the show? WHO KNOWS?!



Brian crossed a million YouTube subscribers; a feat achieved by less than 1000 channels in the world. Congratulations to Brian, Brandt, Bryce and everyone else who has made Scam School what it is.


The Patreon is at $1958. If you want to become a patron, head on over to

During this episode, Brian and Justin announced that a few times a year they will re-release some of the Patreon-exclusive Night Attack EPs for new Patrons that missed them the first time around.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is Here!

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, noted Twitter rabble rouser and science person, called into the show to play a round of Neil DeGrasse Tyson or THIS Asshole? In this game, Neil has to figure out if a tweet presented to him was written by himself or some other asshole.

Editor's note - I feel it's important to state that this bit was done the night before it was announced that Neil DeGrasse Tyson would have a show on Nat Geo, the same channel as Brian's Hacking the System.

BTW, there were a TON of tweets curated for this game, see them all and play for yourself here.

Friendly Recommendation


Mailroute is the 44th President of the United States.

Head on over to for a 15-day free trial.

Paying Back Old Debt

So the guys are awesome at promising things for future episodes and not delivering. So they asked the Chatrealm to put together a doc of all the broken promises and they will give a judgement on each item as to whether or not they intend to fulfill their promise.

I'm pretty sure I've listed all the broken promises here, but if you're more of a fan of the doc format, you can see everything here.

  • Startup Spelling Bee
    • Yes, they want to continue doing it
  • Night Attack Patron Roll Call
    • Oh jesus, they took money for that. What do you guys think? Do you give a shit about them saying your name? Ehh, they'll do it.
  • Creep-ass Holiday Special
    • Nope! That's done. But holiday episodes in general are cool
  • Caturday Music Video
    • No, fuck that.
  • Merritt Files (Night Attack EP)
    • Oh, definitely
  • Diamond Con: Vegas
    • Diamond Con - They want to do it. Vegas - Unlikely
  • Diamond Club Book Trailer
    • Nah. That's over with.
  • Tom Merritt's NSFW musical
    • Oh jesus, everyone forgot about that. They sang some on this episode. But seriously, if you want to do it yourself, just do it.
  • GTFO Awards
    • They like the bit
  • Euro Timed Show
    • It WILL happen in 2015!
  • Lincoln Express
    • They want it to continue
  • Getting Korey Coleman on every week
    • No, but they want to do another show with everyone in the same room
  • Mega mean cast
    • I don't know what that is
  • Worst anything accent ever
    • Was that something with Chad?
  • Award for the best Dragon Con 2011 posters
    • They already did that (according to Brian. Gatowag disputes this)
  • Musical guests
    • Wifi hiccups and skype lag makes it tough, but they REALLY like having musical guests on the show.
  • Record Setters
    • YES!
  • Disney Wine and Cheese Meetup
    • Pick a weekend Chatrealm
  • Video game playthroughs
    • Brian does it
  • Blitzquiz
    • They haven't abandoned it, they just haven't done it in a while
  • 10 Second Film Festival
    • Absolutely yes
  • Getting Alex Jones on the show (and talk about Star Trek or Star Wars)
    • Yes, they intend for this to happen
  • Choose your own adventure
    • Ehh
  • Pay off your owed steaks
    • Ugh, FINE!
  • Paint your fingernails black for Game On (HE PINKY PROMISED!)
    • Brian now has to do another episode of Game On (or perhaps Gay Mon).
  • Webbernauts
    • That's on Cannata
  • The Journey
    • It's in process, they just don't want to deal with it every week
  • Kevin Smith on the show
    • That's on him. But really they're not totally into it anymore. They didn't say this, but it's not gonna happen.

Tomorrow's Ad for Scam School TODAY!

At the end of the show, Brian showed off the Robocop-themed ad for the following day's Scam School episode. It features Brian, Bonnie, Penny, Josie, Brandt and Bryce. You should check it out, it's Scam School episode 366.

Oh, BTW Jury has a Patreon

Justin launched a Patreon for his Jury podcast. The show will stay mostly the same, but the Patreon goals will implement more episodes per week. Check it out, it's a great one-mic comedy/discussion show that actually tackles some deep topics every now and then. And if you like it, why not give some money?

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Great Quotes

  • "I think it was better when we had full vaginal insertion" - Justin (preshow)
  • "NBC: Not Broadcasting Cosmos!" - Neil DeGrasse Tyson
  • "I am the single most qualified human being on the planet to suck off Johnny Storm." - Brian (53:35)
  • "It burns when I do anything!" - Brian (54:21)
  • "Shut up, bitch! Men are talking!" - Justin during the Mailroute ad

Fun Facts

  • This was the episode where the Scam School YouTube Channel surpassed 1 million subscribers.



Preshow & Aftershow

Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to and pledge ANY amount!


Preceded by:
One Million Broken Promises
Followed by:
"A Sad Face, A Wet Emoji, and A Finger"