Nazi Petting Zoo
|Nazi Petting Zoo
|June 4, 2011
|Andrew Mayne, Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Brian demanding child wants a petting zoo to remember for a birthday party, with dangerous results. Andrew and Justin act the parts of Nazi researchers promising a dynamic new army which would only require training… and chew toys. Meanwhile, Brian debates getting gene therapy to appear manlier and the smartest computer in the world goes back to college.
Petting Great Whites
Atticus, Brian's young southern lawyer son, has a birthday coming up and he has some pretty high expectations. He isn't too thrilled about horseback riding, swimming with dolphins or even having a human baby petting zoo. Then Andrew asks what the most dangerous thing Brian would allow his kids to pet. Well there is a woman out there that hand feeds and pets great white sharks.
Andrew goes into talking about researchers who tranquilize and study great whites and then explains how dolphins seems to love taunting the captured sharks. This leads to a conversation about how dolphins are total jerks and how Brian would love to pee on birds if he had the ability to fly.
Nazi Dogs and the Heil Five
So Brian is running the finances for the Third Reich. Justin and Andrew come to Brian with a proposal of a new potential weapon for their army. When they tell Herr Brushwood that this weapon doesn't blow anything up, he is very unhappy. However, Herr Justin explains that with their research, they can create an entire army for Hitler from a source that was previously un-tapped. Brian is so excited, that he invents the "Heil Five", which is the Nazi version of a "High Five".
Brian begins to ask more questions about this army, when suddenly, at Andrews command, two lap dogs speak a very garbled "Seig Heil" and then proceed to Heil Five right in front of them. Herr Brushwood is impressed, but he really doesn't recognize the military capabilities that these dogs possess. So Brian calls in his assistant, at which point Andrew commands the dogs and they proceed to murder the unsuspecting assistant.
Turns out during WWII, the Nazis tried to teach dogs to talk. Perhaps the Nazis were just ahead of their time since dogs play a pretty big part in our modern day police and military forces.
Wolfboy's Got Talent
Andrew begins by asking Brian and Justin if they believe that some super natural creatures are based in truth or fiction. They all agree that leprechauns, vampires and werewolves were all based in truth. For example there are those "wolfboys" out there with hair all over their faces. Well good news for the rest of us, scientists believe that they have isolated the "wolfboy" gene. Soon, you too could grow hair all over your face! The future is here!
Then they turn to Brian to ask if he would get an irreversible procedure that would give him the wolfboy gene so that he could be hugely successful in his career. As Justin explains, this procedure would make Brian as successful as "Simon Cowell plus the guy who did Survivor plus Bill Cosby plus every other person on the planet that has ever done a successful television show." After hearing that Brian is totally in, especially since Richard Karn and Justin were ready to take is place if he backed out.
The Revenge of Dr. Watson
Watson, the computer that recently won on Jeopardy, is being applied in a hospital to see how well it could perform against human doctors. Given the same information as the doctors, they hope to see that Watson is as skilled as a 2nd year med student. Most likely these computers will be used as a backup to the doctors to help confirm their diagnoses. Of course people are afraid that the computers will eventually turn on us and let us all die.
The Gub'ment Ain't Gonna Give You No Genome
There is a bill being pushed that would make it illegal for companies like 23 and Me, to send you information about your specific DNA. They feel that knowing that you are predisposed to cancer will cause undue stress to people. Brian argues that, by this logic, they should remove the warnings on cigarettes because they can stress you out by telling you that you will get cancer.
- Contact (1997 film)
"Kevlar Bigfoot Necropants"
|Nazi Petting Zoo