Beautiful Submarines

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Beautiful Submarines
Number 139
Broadcast Date October 18, 2016
Episode Length 1:15:12
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests None

We're all back in the good ol' US of A to talk about haircuts, cool boy names and dumb Kickstarters, then we finish it off with a discussion about the 2016 Winter Movie Draft and some unfortunate jokes.

Contents

Cold Open

Of course old people play bridge, how the fuck else did they entertain themselves in the middle ages?

Justin is So Much More Evolved Than You

Justin is back from the UK, he has a gin and tonic and he's way better than you.

Also Brian came up with the perfect New Yorker comic.

Bonnie Got A Haircut

Bonnie cut her hair short and it looks really cool… PLUS SHE SHAVED A DIAMOND INTO THE BACK OF HER NECK. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! LOOK AT THAT!

Apparently the last time she cut her hair this short, one of the Brushwood girls got upset and cried. This time Bonnie made sure to get permission from all three of her girls. She got what the kids call and "undercut".

Ken Bone

Ken Bone is the loveable looking guy that asked a question at the second 2016 Presidential debate and has become a sort of a meme online. He did a Reddit AMA shortly after the debate and he used his real Reddit account. Naturally people looked through his comment history and found comments from him about the Trayvon Martin case and he is also apparently into pregnant port

Patreon

The Patreon is at $1,524. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Remington Meeks!

Remington Brushwood

Brian and Bonnie agreed that if they had ever had a boy, they would name him Baxter Thunder Brushwood, but they never thought of Remington as a name. Remington Brushwood. That'd be cool.

Brian's Barack Obama Sketch

Eight years ago when Obama was campaigning for the Presidency for the first time, Brian came up with an idea for a sketch. The sketch involved Barack talking to his image consultant about how to best market him to the American people. Instead of calling him "Barack Hussein Obama" they would call him "Barry O'Bama" and try to market him as an Irish man.

Quality Kickstarter

Chatrealmer Tensorguy lanched and is about to fund the Kickstarter for his Holovect holographic display. Way to go Jaime! That looks super neat.

Shitty Kickstarters

This is the game where we take a look at some shitty Kickstarters and they have to guess


KRATO Beard Accessories
  • Brian's guess - Asking for $9,000 - Got $600
  • Justin guess - Asking for $5,000 - Got $1,500
    • Funding: Asking for $7,713 - Got $10,526


DONTIE
  • Justin - Asking for $6,000 - Got $6001
  • Brian - Asking for $3,000 - Got $20
    • Funding - Asking for $15,303 - Got $122


Earth's Purity Natural Hair Growth Oil
  • Brian - Asking for $12,000 - Got $1,000
  • Justin - Asking for $50,000 - Got $11
    • Funding - Asking for $7,000 - Got LITERALLY NOTHING


Cotton Ti-P the Titanium Cotton Swab
  • Bonnie - Asking for $50,000 - Got $100
    • Funding - Asking for $814 - Got $331


LoreBooks: 3D Virtual Books
  • Brian - Asking for $25,000 - Got $1
  • Justin - Asking for $13,000 - Got $74
    • Funding - Asking for $10,000 - Got $1,086


Ubivade - Vibrating navigation belt
  • Justin - Asking for $200,000 - Got $15,000
  • Brian - Asking for $80,000 - Got $30,000
    • Funding - Asking for $55,000 - Got $5,263

Justin won 1,000,005 to 1,000,003.

Cancer's Funny?

Brian and Justin kept making jokes where they pretended to be on stage talking about people who died of cancer and how they could have been so much more amazing had they not died of cancer. Despite being the one that started it, Brian was genuinely disgusted by their goofs, but Justin found the idea of a CEO using cancer victims to sell a product to be hilarious.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

2016 Winter Movie Draft

The 2016 Winter Movie Draft took place after this week's Cordkillers recording and featured Brian, Justin, Tom Merritt, Jennie Josephson, Mikey Neumann, Kristi Kates and Mulango Akpo-Esambe.

Draft Lineups
  • Brian - Arrival, Sing, Gold, Hidden Figures, The Founder, xXx: The Return of Xander Cage, Fifty Shades Darker, John Wick: Chapter Two, Logan
  • Justin - Inferno, Doctor Strange, Allied, The Great Wall, The Dark Tower
  • DTNS - Trolls, Kidnap, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
  • Mikey - Bad Santa 2, Assassin's Creed, Why Him?, Live by Night, Rings, The LEGO Batman Movie
  • Kristi - Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, The Comedian
  • Mulango - Moana, Office Christmas Party, Passengers (2016)

As always, members of the Chatrealm will be able to get 100 fake dollars to assemble their own movie lineups using the prices set during the official draft. The form to submit your lineup will be available at draft.diamondclub.tv/form, but as of the recording of the show, the form isn't yet available.

Aftershow

The guys watched the Aunty Donna Parody of the Television Show Ellen and then they watched this MasterCard ad featuring Broden Kelly. After that it was a bunch of random "preshow" videos since the preshow was super short this week.

They finished it up with like 10 minutes talking about John Oliver's bit about third party candidates and how annoying people who only get their news from Last Week Tonight are.

Belt Winner

This is officially no longer a thing.

Great Quotes

  • "Ya know what makes people respect you? Beating cancer." - Brian
  • "Never leave a Q-tip story behind." - Brian

Fun Facts

  • After months of ambivalence toward The Belt, Brian and Justin finally acknowleged it and concluded that they're done with The Belt for a while.

Characters

None

YouTube

Preshow & Aftershow

Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to Patreon.com/NightAttack and pledge ANY amount!

Links


Preceded by:
"The Chancellor's Revenge"
Beautiful Submarines
Followed by:
"That's Illegal (w/ Jason Murphy)"