Knock-Knock... SHUT UP

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Knock-Knock... SHUT UP
Number 72
Broadcast Date July 7, 8, 2015
Episode Length 1:49:44
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests Scott Sigler, Bonnie Brushwood

Brian, Justin and Bonnie talk about the best way to answer their phones, they make fun of some made up startups, then Scott Sigler stops by to play a game with Brian.


Cold Open

Spiro and The Fudge encounter a cocaine snake.

Night 1

So Justin had an airline snafu on Tuesday night, causing him to miss the show. But since they still had Scott Sigler booked for Tuesday night, Brian decided to just do a stream at the normal time on Tuesday night with just him and Scott. Actually, Brandt and Rageselect's Grant Davis were in studio with Brian as well so they all played a round of Quiplash with the chatrealm (and one racist). Spoiler alert: Scott won.

Then Brian and Scott just BS'd for a while. After ending the recording, Brian showed a ton of old videos to Scott and Grant for like an hour and a half. It was pretty cool.

Night 2

Justin is no longer on a plane, and everything is set for a good old fashioned Night Attack on a wednesday night.

Loosy-Goosy Chit-Chat Jamboree

Topics discussed
  • Scott Sigler and Andrew Mayne's new books
  • Sizzurp/Purple Drank
  • Ways to answer your phone
    • "This is ____"
    • "There, there my little nigga"
    • "Go time!"
    • "Hot seat!"
    • "Caller you're on the air!"
    • "Time's now!"
    • Just immediately quote the price you sell your drugs
    • "Bing bong!"
    • "Life's only constant is death"
    • "Quick, before we die"
    • "QUICK! GO!"
    • Just act like somebody is calling you after the line cut out
    • "Oh, just a second, this asshole is calling me on the other line… Hello?"
    • Pretend like you just woke up (Brian does this all the time)
    • "Make a difference, be the change you want to be."
    • "Live it. Be it. Christ is a lie."
    • "Give it to me"
    • "Face down, ass up, this is ______"
    • "Ya did it pal! I knew you could!"
    • "Jizz mate!" (begin and end your calls with this)

Brian and Justin accepted The Secret Jizz Challenge: to answer the phone saying "Jizz mate!" as if you're a British person saying "Cheers mate!" whenever the phone rings.


The Patreon is at $2179. If you want to become a patron, head on over to

Brian will be in Oakland to record more tracks for future Night Attack albums. Also, BIG NEWS! The Merritt Tapes! They're coming soon! LOL They were released! PATRONS! GO GET EM'!

Startup Generator

Brian and Justin decided to delay the game Neshcom had prepared to play on the show and instead they just clicked this fake startup generator button for a while. They kept generating new startups and talked about them as if they were tech reporters. After talking up the startup for a few minutes, Brian and Justin interviewed their celebrity endorser, Bonnie. The two startups they pimped were Picky and Squeezen

Friendly Recommendation


Brian did the ad to the tune of Clarence Carter's "Strokin'"

Squarespace is the fast and easy way to create a high quality website, blog or portfolio. They've got some sweet-ass tools and templates to make some awesome websites without you needing any knowledge of HTML.

Head over to and try out a 14-day free trial then when you decide to order, use the code "NAP" to get 10% off you order.

Movie Draft

  • Inside Out is Justin's favorite sci-fi film since Inception

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Great Quotes

  • Bonnie: "What can we say and not say?"
Brian: "We just played the N-word like 20 times." (during the phone etiquette bit)
  • "Your Honor, he's literally masturbating right now. Can we please have him ejected?" - Brian immediately before the Squarespace ad

Fun Facts

  • Fuck Andrew Jackson!
  • Sassy McFasty is this year's Ramadan mascot
  • For the first time EVER, Justin got a noise complaint while doing the show in a hotel room.
    • You might think from watching the show that Justin is a loud dude, but if you've ever been in the same room as him during a show, you know that HE IS SO FUCKING LOUD.


Preshow & Aftershow

Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to and pledge ANY amount!


Preceded by:
Knock-Knock... SHUT UP
Followed by:
"The Indian in the Cupboard"