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Number 79
Broadcast Date August 25, 2015
Episode Length 1:29:17
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests Scott Johnson, Bonnie Brushwood

Brian books a dinner date in LA, Scott Johnson joins us for Chatrealm Feud and X GON' GIVE IT TO YA


Cold Open

Justin has just one wish: to have a 10ft penis.

Brian Brushwood: The Man Who Can't Say "No"

So Brian can't talk. Remember how he is totally taking it easy this summer what with not filming a TV show? Well things have really picked up lately. He just gave a talk at Google, and he has to do a billion shows at DragonCon including being in Justin's wedding party. Well he just made the great decision to perform at TAOM (Texas Association of Magicians) which is the same weekend as DragonCon. So basically he has to perform in Austin, Texas and then call up the Starship Enterprise to beam him over to Atlanta for DragonCon.

This all makes for a packed schedule. However, now Brian is hearing from people saying "Hey! I'm coming to TAOM just to see you! Can't wait to do magic stuff together!" So that's awesome and stressful. Oh and he's not getting paid for any of this.


An unnamed, long-time Diamond Clubber offered to give real American dollars to Brian to give a talk in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You won't BELIEVE Brian's response! Of course he said "yes". He looked up some flights from Austin to Malaysia. Turns out it's way cheaper to fly to LAX first and have an 8 hour layover. And hey! If he's gonna be in LA for 8 hours, WHY NOT MEET UP WITH ALL HIS LA FRIENDS?! He hits up his most accessible LA buds to set up a dinner together. Jeff Cannata! Rob Krekel! Lee Sanders! Tom Merritt! They're all in! This is gonna be great! Too bad there was a miscommunication and they all met up the day before Brian is gonna be there (the same day that this episode was recorded). So they all just had a nice dinner without Brian.

So here's what his schedule looks like:

August 25th - 8 hours of work on a musical tesla coil which was all for naught, followed by this episode
August 26th - Get a new passport and fly to LAX with an 8 hour layover
August 27th - Fly to Malaysia at 1am
August 28th - Talk in Malaysia for a bit
August 29th - Fly back to Austin
September 3rd - Record Scam School episodes with Diamond Jim Tyler
September 4th - Perform at TAOM in Austin
September 5th-7th - DragonCon all day err day


The Patreon is at $2101. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

What Does Bonnie Think Ashley Madison Is?

So Scott br- ohh yeah, Scott Johnson is here! Anyway, Scott brought up the fact that someone just in the past few days used his email to sign up for Ashley Madison. Of course, Ashley Madison is a site that advertises itself as a place to cheat on your spouse and is in the news because they were hacked and a lot of their customer data was made public. Bonnie has to deal with kids all day so she's kinda out of the loop. Justin had her explain what she thought Ashley Madison was. In her mind, Ashley Madison sells fashionable furniture that requires you to sign up using Facebook and is responsible for a lot of Facebook spam. She might be confusing this with Ashley Furniture. Scott was tasked with filling her in on the reality of the Ashley Madison situation. He gave a very Utah-dad explanation.

Chatrealm Feud

Hey! It's a new game brought to you by Chatrealmers Biocow and Gooses. It's Chatrealm Feud! So this is a game that is definitely in no way similar to the copyrighted game show "Family Feud". Bonnie and Brian are teaming up against Justin and Scott to try and guess Chatrealm's most popular answers to a series of questions.

Besides a person, name a place you would put your penis
  1. Food
  2. Sex toy
  3. Underwear/pants
  4. Glory hole
  5. Hand
  6. Condom
  7. Toilet paper
  • Incorrect guesses:
    • Couch - Justin
    • Snapchat - Scott
    • Sock - Justin
    • Moccasin - Brian
Name a word or phrase that contains "belly"
  1. Belly Button
  2. Jelly Belly
  3. Belly Dancing
  4. Belly Ache
  5. Belly Flop
  6. Round Belly
  • Incorrect guesses:
    • Spooge belly - Brian
    • Beer belly - Justin
    • Belly up to the bar - Justin
    • Belly busters - Scott
    • Belly Clap - Justin

If you brought a tool from the garage into the bedroom, what would it be?
  1. Cordless Drill
  2. Hammer
  3. Hoe
  4. Wrench
  5. Saw
  6. Screwdriver
  7. Clamps
  8. Shop Vac

  • Incorrect guesses:
    • Measuring tape - Brian
    • Duct tape - Brian
    • Pliers - Bonnie
    • Rope - Justin
Brian and Bonnie win 135-37

Nerdtacular is Cool

Scott is the dude who made Nerdtacular a thing, so lets talk about Nerdtacular. It is primarily a Frogpants convention, however it's probably the biggest Diamond Club convention of the year as well. TVsEgon was there to take a shit ton of pictures. Check them out

Brian and Justin complained a bit about the obvious conspiracy that cost them the Frogpants All-Stars trivia competition.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft

  • We should have be on Universal - Scott
  • DTNS' entire slate FINALLY surpassed the gross of Jurassic Park - Brian
  • The only great movie to come out in 2015 so far was Mad Max - Scott
  • Mr. Robot is the best TV show of this year. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MR. ROBOT?! Actually Rick and Morty season 2 might be better - Brian

Great Quotes

  • "MOTHERFUCKING JUDAS TOM MERRITT!" - Brian reacting to Tom going out to dinner without him
  • "... and I'd like to go find earthly pleasures somewhere else." - Scott describing the mentality of Ashley Madison users
  • "Robot hitler." - Justin multiple times when revealing correct answers in Chatrealm Feud
  • "We're gonna pass. We're gonna let the Brushwoods decide what they're bringing out of the garage tonight." - Justin during Chatrealm Feud
  • "Sorry losers! Go measure your dick in millimeters!" - Justin imitating cool guy Scott during Chatrealm feud
  • "October surprise is my favorite sex move." - Scott when Justin was pimping The Contender
  • "... Mr. Robot. It's the best show… YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MR. ROBOT?! … Actually Rick and Morty season 2 might be better than Mr. Robot." - Brian
  • "Kitty cat, bitch I put you on the page." - Bonnie singing to DMX while she paints

Fun Facts


Preshow & Aftershow

Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to Patreon.com/NightAttack and pledge ANY amount!


Preceded by:
"Guillotine Leg Drops Can't Melt Steel Beams"
Followed by:
"Waffle Stomp"