Taft Punk

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Taft Punk
Number 207
Broadcast Date December 3, 2013
Episode Length 1:04:09
Hosts Brian Brushwood, Justin Robert Young
Guests Tom Merritt

Brian's on the road so Justin has to run this episode. He's got some half-baked bits to try out and things actually go pretty amazingly.


Opening Video

Small JuRY Dancing

Go Home Santa, You're Drunk

Justin's new book of short stories called "Go Home Santa, You're Drunk". He got everyone to buy the book on Amazon a few hours before the recording of this episode. During the show the book got up to #6 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Satire, #9 in Books > Literature & Fiction > Genre Fiction > Satire and #37 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Genre Fiction > Holidays.

The NSA Knows What You Fap To!

Back in June when the Snowden leaks first started coming out, Justin and Brian suggested that the NSA could blackmail people with the type of porn that they watch. Well, turns out the NSA was doing EXACTLY THAT.

Justin then proposes that he and Brian be hired as NSA "cops" to take down terrorists. They would then thrown them into a room ("The Litter Box") in which Tom Cattt's songs are playing at which point the evil-doers would go insane and think that they were Tom Cattt's lovely dancers Kitay and Meeow. Also the NSA would hire Alex Jones and Tay Allyn.


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You can get this video of a "wise-ass dog".

The Golden Age of Journalism

There's this fly ass honey named Dorris Kearns Goodwin. Boo writes some hella dope books, including The Bully Pulpit: Theodor Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, and the Golden Age of Journalism. Taft and Roosevelt used to be homies. The guys started to think of some modern-day hip-hop analogs of historical figures.

  • Tomas Edison = Sean "Puff Daddy" "P Diddy" "Diddy" Combs
  • Tesla = Bushwick Bill
  • James K Polk = Lil' Wayne
  • Thomas Payne = House of Pain

This lead to some amazing mashups of Justin reading some speeches/writings of the famous person, a famous song and Tom Merritt impersonating the Wise-Ass Dog.

  • Mashups
    • House of Payne (Thomas Payne's Common Sense and House of Pain's Jump Around)
    • Taft Punk (Daft Punk's Lose Yourself to Dance and William Taft)
    • Bell Div DePoe (Bell Biv DeVoe's Poison and Edgar Allen Poe's Cask of Amontillado)
    • DJ Jazzy Jefferson
    • Ice Cuban Missile Crisis


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Retooling the CNN Lineup

CNN is looking to move away from news and wants to compete more with channels like "Discovery" and "NatGeo". So Brian, Justin and Tom came up with some ideas for new shows.

  • Don't Trust Wolf Blitzer
  • Replace Wolf Blitzer with an actual wolf, like the Wise-Ass Dog
  • Safe-House Hunters
  • Undercover Exposed
  • I'm an Actual Journalist Get Me Out of Here
  • Load up a veteran reporter with a bunch of booze and fly her to the 49th state - Flying Wild Candy Crowley Alaska
  • No Seriously, Now that You're High, Tell Me w/ Sanjay Gupta
  • Newt Dynasty
  • Extreme Serious Beat Correspondent Who Is Never Taken Seriously Makeover
  • The ACTUAL NEWS … hahhaha just kidding
  • Cash Van Jones


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Wise-Ass Dog

This dog is so majestic that its links deserve it's own section.

Belt Winner

  • Nobody

Great Quotes

  • "... gaping anal. Yes?" -Brian
  • "Sanjay Gupta: Cumming in a vacuum!" -Justin
  • "I learned you can judge a TV network by how it treats its news. ...and what it does with those reporters." -Tom

Fun Facts

  • Watch this episode with the knowledge that Tom and Justin both knew that Tom's contract with TWiT would not be renewed.





Links & Downloads

Preceded by:
"Enjoy the Pleasure Garden"
Taft Punk
Followed by:
"English Vernacular"